Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
