You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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