I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
You're right, stupid question.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!