Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.