Texts From Last Night

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  (415): View more from California

  Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Cooked or uncooked?

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  (415): Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep. (503): Cooked or uncooked? http://tfl.nu/xhai
  Replies (12) Good night (4176) Bad night (799)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!

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  (520): Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!! http://tfl.nu/6hir
  Replies (19) Good night (5705) Bad night (725)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.

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  (207): Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present. http://tfl.nu/yqaq
  Replies (21) Good night (4564) Bad night (1379)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?

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  (617): it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right? http://tfl.nu/n56d
  Replies (10) Good night (4587) Bad night (1734)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.

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  (360): He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured. http://tfl.nu/js6x
  Replies (63) Good night (5746) Bad night (1128)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.

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  (512): Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later. http://tfl.nu/arob
  Replies (5) Good night (2720) Bad night (948)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..

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  (908): It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps.. http://tfl.nu/jf04
  Replies (3) Good night (1682) Bad night (857)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.

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  (305): Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math. http://tfl.nu/nfyi
  Replies (3) Good night (1580) Bad night (720)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.

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  (908): He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound. http://tfl.nu/kpce
  Replies (7) Good night (3427) Bad night (633)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall

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  (412): I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall http://tfl.nu/47d9
  Replies (1) Good night (973) Bad night (525)
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  (760): View more from California

  Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away

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  (760): Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away http://tfl.nu/rpjr
  Replies (1) Good night (1085) Bad night (455)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.

  (1-256): View more from Alabama

  Yeah, that's a plus.

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  (256): In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet. (1-256): Yeah, that's a plus. http://tfl.nu/i1dz
  Replies (1) Good night (562) Bad night (313)
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.

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  (641): Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever. http://tfl.nu/1kf9
  Replies (12) Good night (1546) Bad night (512)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?

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  (404): I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man? http://tfl.nu/kmsm
  Replies (12) Good night (430) Bad night (929)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome

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  (847): There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome http://tfl.nu/9ysw
  Replies (4) Good night (797) Bad night (259)

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