I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
