Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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