he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
