this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
