from now on my penis is your penis
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize