fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
