Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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