We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I am one with the molecules
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i out mim tonsoeep
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