never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
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Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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