I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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