Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
