gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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