who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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