i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
