We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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