nutella sex= disaster
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
