i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
