You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Dicks are not precious.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
