The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
