wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
