Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Randomize
