roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
