His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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