Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
