omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
