i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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