Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
