I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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