It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
