drinking out of a sandbucket again
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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