fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
