its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I touched a dick in church today
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
