I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
