Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
