Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
