last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
