my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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