Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
