How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
