My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Randomize
