After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
