my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
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