I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
