I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
