I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
