i barfeds in our rink
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
