when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
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