FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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