I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
