I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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