How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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