it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
