You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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