You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
