God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
