Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
