well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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