Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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