Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
