at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
