You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
