He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
