I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
