he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
